ThE MaV... There's more???

Man comes in and tells me his car is broken and he needs help getting it jump started. He seemed a bit shady but I foolishly give everyone the benefit of the doubt. When we got outside he asked me to hop in his car to help him with something. I got in and he started it right up! He lied! He then took off and ignored my many pleas to take me back to work. About two miles later I jumped out of his car and walked back to my work. It was snowing that night and I wasn't wearing a coat.

My store usually has nobody attempt to run away without paying for gas but for some reason last week we had 5 drive offs! Frustrated I decided to play vigilante. I wrote down every single plate that I authorized for gas. Sure enough the drive offs continued. With the licence plate numbers, descriptions of the vehicles and the Sheriff on speed dial. We started having person after person dragged in by the police to pay their bill! I was proud of myself until I learned they weren't trying to get away with gas at all. Our credit card reader on the one pump all the drive offs were on was broken and they all thought they had payed. It was our pumps fault all along and all these peeps got one of Riverton's finest at their front door because of it.

Two black kids had sex in our bathroom. I know because a redneck walked in on them.

A homely looking gent strolled up to the counter with about thirty dollars worth of junk food. He pulled out his food stamps card but it was out of money, so he moved on to his unemployment card. That was emptied out as well. I almost felt bad for this man until he cursed under his breath and said "I can't believe I have to pay for this with my own money." He gave me a hundred dollar bill. A*#%&^E!

Two old people who haven't seen each other since they were in a concentration camp together in WWII were reunited when they both went to add sour kraut to their food at the same time!

Two women were in a fight out on the sidewalk. It ended when one spit chewing tobacco in the other's eye. Only in Riverton.

Gary Coleman came in and bought $4.27 in gas.

A lot of black salesmen have been hanging around our store every night for the past week. They love to congregate in a small circle out front and beet box/freestyle. I walked by them taking out the trash and told them they were pretty good. They egged me on to try flowin thinking I was just another redneck white boy. I not only agreed to do it but I challenged one of them to a battle. I won.

A cop. Let me repeat,,, A COP flipped me off after I offered him a free donut! Cops like donuts, don't they?

I always joke with some punks about them being stoners and only coming in around 4:20 for their munchies. They of course are always appalled that I would accuse them of that especially since they were never in there anytime near 4:20 I finally stopped giving them a hard time and told them I was joking all along. Those kids came in two days ago and I was the only one in the store. when they got up to the counter they said they had something to show me. They pulled out a plastic bag with at least a hundred dollars worth of weed in it! Freaking stoners! I KNEW IT!!!

A girl that has tattoos all over came into my store. I jokingly asked her why she didn't have any tattoos that say "Jeff." The next day she came in with my name tatted on her arm....

I tried to speak Spanish to a Mexican customer. The sentences I was attempting were "You made that hot dog well. You did a good job. Thanks for coming in." Instead I said "I'm pregnant thanks to you!"

I caught a kid stealing candy bars. The price of the candy: about ten bucks, the cost of his ticket: about two hundred bucks, the look on his fathers face when he saw his son getting a tongue lashing from the Sheriff: Priceless!